Dear Bossip,
I know I should walk away from the situation I?m in now, but I want to get a guys opinion first.
I?ve been dating this guy for 3 years. He is 12-years older than me. He lives about 7 hours from me if I drive. He has said to me maybe twice that he doesn?t believe in long distance relationships. Problem number one: Why are we in a relationship then if you don?t want a long distance relationship? I live 7 hours away but when I bring it up and ask him what he wants? he says he doesn?t want to leave. I?m thinking then why did you say that then.
Then another problem within the last month or two he says I call him too much. Really? I call you maybe twice a week. That?s to just say hey or tell you what?s been happening and see what you are up to. Then he went on a rant saying I don?t want you to have a big phone bill. First off, if you were so worried then be willing to put something on it. Secondly, my phone bill is the same every freaking month. But, of course he wouldn?t shut up long enough to listen. By the time he got done I was like I don?t even want to talk to you right now and hung up.
So I?m at the point yeah we have a lot of fun times but those last like three convos really have me like should I just leave now or see how it plays out. Yeah, I might be sad for a bit to leave but it feels like at times I?m just waiting for him to say it?s done but he won?t. ? Long Distance Lover
Dear Ms. Long Distance Lover,
LOL! Chile, you?re waiting on him to say it?s over, and I bet nine times out of ten he is waiting on you to say it?s over. LOL!
Look, the man is not dumb. Not by far. He is not going to end it because you are some tail he has that is 7 hours away. You are considered ?reserve p***y.? You think you?re in a relationship, and I would bet any amount of money that you?re not his one and only woman, nor that he considers being with you a relationship. Think about it, he?s told you he doesn?t believe in long distance relationships. So, when someone tells you the truth, believe them. And, when you asked him what he wants he says he doesn?t want to leave. Well, that?s code for, ?You think I?m stupid. You?re my a** when I need some a**. I?m not letting you go.?
And, uhm, sweetie, if you?re 7 hours away, then I?m curious as to what he considers as long distance. Unless his a** can?t measure distance and time, but according to my calculations YOU ARE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!
Ma?am, you?re ?reserve p***y? which means, just in case he comes to your city, or you go to his it?s easy tail he can get and he?s familiar with. Chile, you?re 7 hours away. Which means you?re a city, or probably a state or two away. ?Uhm, do you think he doesn?t have another woman where he is? I hope you?re not that na?ve to think that you?re his one and only. Especially when he told you 1.) He doesn?t believe in long distance relationships. 2.) You don?t have to call him too much, and you only call twice a week. Let?s see here: You?re in a long distance relationship, why would he be bothered with you calling at all! Hell, he should be calling you every day, texting, sending emails, and, hell, sending smoke signals telling you how much he misses you! But, that is a man who is into a woman he loves and is dedicated to. That is a man who is committed to making that woman his wife, his special and one and only lady.
Girl, those two tell-tale signs are reasons for you to push the dinner plate away, grab your Hermes bag, and slowly leave the table and make your exit. Don?t sit around waiting for dessert. You?ve been waiting on him for three years, and neither of you have made a commitment to be closer. Uhm, hmmm, (puts finger up to your head and taps your temple) so, if you?re not moving, and he DEFINITELY is not going to move closer to you, then I surmise that this is a wrap.
It?s time to chuck up the deuces and stop waiting on him to be a man to say it?s over, and YOU end it. You be a woman and let him know, ?This isn?t working for me. I need a man, a real man who is willing to make an effort to be with me. I need a man, a real man who is not going to complain about me calling twice a week, and then tell me that he is concerned about my long distance phone bill. If you?re that concerned, then how about you pay the bill so that we can keep in touch. Better yet, we can SKYPE and make it that much easier because, guess what sweetie, IT?S FREE! And, I need a man, a real man who recognizes that after 3 years of dating that it?s time to take the relationship to another level. And, for me the next level is I?m out this bish! Peace! Deuces! Adios! Arriva derci! Sayonara!?
But, I?m going to hip you to something. Those three years you?ve dedicated to him, well, some other woman, or women are getting equal amounts of his time, if not greater. Also, don?t be surprised when he calls you up one day and tells you that he is getting married. I?ve seen this happen time and time again. You think you?re in a committed relationship, and you?ve dedicated the hours and time of driving and flying to see one another, and then one day he calls and says, ?I need to tell you something. I met someone and I?m getting married.? BAM! You get blindsided.
Honey, put on your glasses, the night visions, and the side-eye bifocals and see what?s happening all around you. Check the peripheral and stop having tunnel vision. You know what the deal is, and you?re ready to step. Don?t be afraid. There is hope, love, and joy waiting for you when you take the leap. Like you said, you know you will be sad at first, but it will only last a momentary. You?ve been preparing yourself for it. Take yourself to the spa, get pampered, and then change your hairstyle, and get back into the dating game closer to home. I know some man will snatch you up and you?ll be happy, smiling, and blissfully in love. ? Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books ? June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend ? The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books ? November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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